Learning to love myself has been an ongoing process. I can remember feeling insecure as far back as elementary school when my 5th-grade crush told my best friend over the phone (as I listened in on the other line) that he thought I was pretty but “a little too fat” for his liking. That gut-wrenching moment set off a year of battle with my self-esteem, my body image, and my overall relationship with myself. I eventually got better by the time in high school, but the constant conscious was always there.
I’ve obviously come a long way since the days of my 5th-grade heartbreak, but I’d be lying if I said I had it all figured out. There are days I feel on top of the world, and days I feel like hiding out in my apartment in a canvas tarp. There are days I actually have hidden out in my apartment (sans tarp) because I’ve felt so disgusted with myself. I’ve skipped meetings, events, and life in general because I was so consumed with how shitty I thought I looked. What a waste of time.
But, like any good (soon to be) coach, I’ve learned how to talk myself off the ledge and get a grip. And like any good coach, I also know my issues run far deeper than my weight or how I look in a pair of spandex leggings. I know that my body image issues are a manifestation of much more complicated feelings of unworthiness, abandonment, and all that jazz that is tethered to childhood. Sound familiar?
I don’t think I’ve met one person or human who doesn’t carry some baggage from their past. And it looks different for all of us. For some people, it is a body image complex. For others, it’s other things. The good news is, however, your lack of self-love shows up, there are ways to work on it. There are strategies and techniques to manage our anxiety and take off some of these heavy, heavy loads we wear on our backs. It is possible to learn to truly love yourself, to feel worthy, and style your mind in a way that serves your higher good. And I’m going to share with you how I do it.
When in doubt, journal it out.
My first go-to when I’m feeling anxious is free writing. Free-writing is an exercise where you write the thoughts that come into your mind as they flow through you. There is no format, no judgement, no rules. You simply document what you’re thinking and let it all take shape. I find I uncover so much when I set aside 30 minutes to do this. I light a candle, pour a cup of green tea, and set up a quiet environment that allows me to fully let go and release whatever is brewing in my mind. It not only helps me get to the bottom of my own stuff, it also helps spark creative ideas for the future. Total win/win.
Check in on your self-care.
This may be the most important thing on this list. Our minds and bodies are undeniably intertwined, and I know whenever I’m feeling bad about myself, 99% of the time I am treating my body like shit. I’m eating poorly, drinking too much wine, not taking enough hot baths, not getting regular massages, not working out, and not getting good sleep. All of this leads me to feel less confident, and self-love feels like the most foreign concept ever. If you can relate, its time to do an honest reality check on your wellness and then start making small changes. Plan some healthy meals you can cook for yourself, start drinking more water with lemon, book a massage, or spend a few nights at home pampering yourself. Spend time connecting with your body by nourishing it with the right things and you will begin to feel better almost immediately (seriously, I can usually lift my spirits within just 24 hours of a major self-care marathon).
Get that body in motion.
Book a Gym/Yoga/SoulCycle class, go for a power walk, or just dance around your apartment. I love to put on my Pandora 80’s station (and I’m a 90’s baby lol) and dance in my living room like a total a-hole. It makes me laugh and it feels damn good. Get those endorphins flowing – they’re like an instant injection of happiness. Even if you feel like crap, throw on some workout clothes, steer clear of all mirrors if you’re the type to judge yourself (I know I can be) and just sweat.
Write yourself a love letter.
Before you roll your eyes, hear me out. This can be a super awkward exercise at first, but it is so empowering once you get started. Get some pretty stationary and get in the groove by making a list of all the things you love about yourself. Then, start writing it out in full sentences to form a letter. Tell yourself how proud you are of all your accomplishments. Compliment yourself on what a kind and loving person you are. Remind yourself of all the good in your life. Even if this feels a little silly, it works.
Treat yourself to something pretty.
Consider this your permission slip to indulge a little. Depending on your budget, go and splurge on something to make you feel beautiful. Whether it’s a new, bold lipstick shade, a pair of shoes you’ve had your eye on, or a new outfit that makes you feel incredible, you absolutely deserve it. When we look good, we feel good. Raise your glam vibration and boost your confidence. Live or dine in at a fancy 5-star hotel! Let people be at your service for a change. You don’t have to go broke, but you should allow yourself a little something every now and then. It’s called retail therapy for a reason, after all!
Listen to your favorite music.
Music heals. I know this to be true for as long as I can remember. There have been times in my life where literally every single thing felt like it was in shambles, and the only thing that saved me was music. Make yourself a playlist that makes you feel good. Take a walk with your headphones on, or drive around in your car and get lost in song lyrics. No matter what is happening in my life, music is my one constant that is always there for me, and always helps me feel better. Lately, I’ve been really feeling jazz, especially French jazz. I put it on, make myself an espresso or grab on a glass of fresh juice, and write. Make a playlist with some of your favourites and keep it aside for you to use when you feel like.
Whatever route you take to find your way to self-love, remember to be gentle and patient with yourself. For some reason, it’s much easier to be hard on ourselves, but when it comes to being kind, it can be a little challenging.
Take it slow, and do the best you can. Because that will always be more than enough.
Thank you for reading. Love you for that!
—–Have Hope.Keep Faith—–
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19 thoughts on “Self-Love Is A Verb!”
To self love is a verb; whereas the love of something is a noun.
This is really great advice and as usual beautifully written. Especially liked this:
“Raise your glam vibration” I am a cis male, but I occasionally love to throw some glitter onto my face, going out or wearing eyeliner, highlighter, lipstick whatever… makes me feel good. And if it makes me feel good, than it cannot be bad, I guess, unless I was hurting someone. Beautiful post. 💜
Somehow WordPress ate my comment… so here I go again. What a beautiful post. I especially liked this part: “raise your glam vibration” I am a cis male, but I occasionaly love to wear make-up going out. It makes me feel good and if it makes me feel good and doesn’t hurt anybody it cannot be bad, right?! Really beautifully written advice. 💜
I so loved this post! The title was GENIUS! Truth speak.
This is so full of great advice. You will be an excellent coach!
I love this.
Wow post dear 💛🎀 loved it 😊✔️💯
Full of great advice😊
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing ! Simply beautiful! 🤩
At the start of the year, I created a Gratitude List that I add to daily. Those days I am not necessarily feeling the love, I read through the list AND add to the list. In those moments, I cannot help but feel better. That goes with your thought to journal and write love letters to yourself. Great post!
Self love is very important, it’s a useful post
Hello & Congratulations! I have nominated you for the “Mystery Blogger Award”! If you would like to participate, additional information can be found here: https://onelightonesource.com/2018/07/03/mystery-blogger-award/. Best wishes and thank you for sharing your amazing blog! Anita
💪 definitely, well said!😊
This is a lovely post, with so much truth in it! Writing it out always works for me when I’m feeling muddled, confused, angry, hurt etc, but I like your other advice and guidance too. (I’m also starting to think I have to take up yoga – it seems to be everywhere, nagging at my subconscious, at the moment – although I guess that could be down to cookies 😉 )
if you do not love self…Who else will…and yes it a verb..beautifully coined,,Aishwarya
True… On my way
This is really beautiful. I can tell you that it is a day-to-day thing. Chose love, everyday.
I found this article very informative…thanks a lot