It Is What It Is (lesson on resilience)

Trying to find strength? Or just trying to navigate a lesson on resilience to give yourself an adrenaline shot of motivation? You’re not alone.

Picture this:

It is a Sunday Morning. You have your coffee in hand. It’s drizzling outside and the oh-so-cold climate is on the edge.

Alexa playing It’s Okay Not To Be Okay by Selena Gomez in the background feels like a song written for you.

Your best friend reassuring you that everything indeed will be okay. And, making you read your own blogs for some “self-guided motivation”.

After a long pause. The best friend is finally on the verge of giving up on making you understand the positives of life, you take a deep breath and say – Enough Is Enough; It Is What It Is. And at that instant, life feels a lot different. Cue some fantasy music in the background kind of different.

Not gonna lie, I myself, like the millions on this Earth, have had a tough (let’s be honest – worst) years of my life. It’s really been difficult.

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‘I am what I am’ + ‘It is what it is’.

These are the two phrases that I’m loving these days. They give me freedom and lightness like never before!

It’s been a year. Definitely. But along with surviving through a pandemic, it has been difficult relocating to the United States (literally other side of the globe for me), starting a new life in a new country, new people and new everything. I try to keep calm, to say the least.

Why does it feel so difficult to navigate your own feelings yet feels so much more natural to help your loved ones navigate their hurdles? I suspect we spend so much time caring for other people in such a heartfelt way but we actually spend far less time caring for ourselves in the same way, if at all. It should feel second nature to care for ourselves in the way that we so eagerly want to care for others. But the important things is I’m trying. Sometimes it feels like trying is akin to wading through quick sand but I know that often the smallest steps, like exploring how I feel in words, are what help me to navigate these times. And blogging sure does help me that way.

Coming back to the Sunday coffee+songs+friendly chat. Someone reminding me of my own blog, my academic journey, my self-gowth+self-love journey, my accomplishments and strengths felt a lot like learning to walk again – even though I wasn’t new to feeling this feeling (some sort of way.) Why did anyone need to remind me? Why couldn’t I recognize it on my own? Why is it so difficult to catch yourself back up again when it’s so easy to do that for others? Why do we waste time when we must know that we’re all worth more than a ‘maybe’?

I also need to readily remember now that we’ve all been through a lot in the last 18 months and that although some aspects of life are getting back to normal, the weight of our experience doesn’t immediately disappear. So many of us are still carrying the burdens and stress we’ve shouldered recently and those burdens are still easily overwhelming. 

I know that it’s ‘normal’ to have ups and downs and I know that so many of us struggle with our mental health, but at the moment I really do feel like I’m carrying too much. I hate to use the term burn out because I feel I’ve been so careful lately to stay organized and not to get to that point, but I think diving back into life maybe hasn’t felt as natural as so many of us would have everyone believe.

I’m missing loved ones so very much, I’m still navigating what the world looks like right now, I’m still working through my own feelings and it all just feels really hard. Cloudy. 

“It is what it is,” responded my friend, effectively silencing me in the middle of a full-blown rant that Sunday afternoon. It shut me up effectively. Acceptance leaves no space for suggestions or advice – or for worry and regret. It is what it is. Matter closed.

Any step in life gone wrong, moving on with a shrug and a lesson learnt is the only rational way to go. What can’t be cured, must not even be endured; it must be put on the backburner and forgotten. That is what this attitude says! Box it and put it away for good with the label “It is what it is”. It’s a resignation to the fact that not everything is in your control, nor should you stress over trying to change it.

‘I am what I am’ (another interesting phrase i’m liking nowadays) frees you of slavery to ‘only if’, ‘must’ ‘should,’ ‘have to’, or ‘need to’ – and life becomes relaxed and beautiful. I try to keep at least one day in the week (perforce Sunday (ironic, I know)) when I can relax all musts and shoulds, and just let my mood and vibe lead me to whatever I wish to do. Or not. Just to be what I am.

How do we equally acknowledge the things we’re feeling and also work through them to feel more like our usual selves, without sitting in those feelings for too long? It feels like such a catch 22 for me. It’s also hard to explain what I mean by sitting in my feelings so putting it down in words always feels helpful, as I know whenever I share topics like this there’s undoubtably someone who feels or has felt the same way. 

But I also know that it’s temporary and that even if it’s uncomfortable for me to recognise these feelings that we don’t talk about enough, it’s how I’ll work my way through them. 

Sending love to everyone navigating something similar right now and I hope you know that you’re not alone.

I also hope you guys learned something. It’s been 11 months to be exact since I’ve written anything, but I’m so so thankful to everyone of you who kept supporting me through little messages/comments/dm’s. To people who left or couldn’t be carried along on my growth journey, I’m thankful to have you as a part of my life in some way.

It feels so good once you take charge of your own feelings and walk again with a bright new smile (most similarly like the one Sunny Sunday!)

With Love & Inspiration,

Aishwarya

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